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STEELED WITH A KISS REDUX, ONLY THIS ONE REALLY IS SEALED WITH A KISS
By: xffan_2000
Author's Note: This is in response to Pat's challenge on SteeleWatchers -- to redo the last few minutes of "Steeled With a Kiss" in such a way that it would have a satisfying payoff, yet still remain within the boundaries of the network censors in the 1980s. An additional rule to this challenge was to write it in script format, so no "prose" could be used to describe what would be taking place. Since I'm not a script writer, I'm absolutely certain the formatting of this "script" is questionable at best. But it's close enough for the challenge. I used actual "Remington Steele" scripts as a basic guideline, but I'm sure there's stuff that's just *wrong.* You'll just have to deal with it.
Credit Where Credit is Due: Some dialogue was lifted directly out of "Steeled With a Kiss," by Robin Bernheim and Brad Kern. If you don't know what dialogue it is, you shouldn't be calling yourself a fan now, should you?
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A TELEVISION SHOWING A STATE FUNERAL IN LONDON
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER - V.O.
In London, a military funeral was held today for the man who spearheaded the exposure and subsequent capture of British Intelligence double agent, Sterling Fitch. In gratitude for his heroics, Daniel Chalmers was posthumously knighted.
INT. LOUNGE - NIGHT
V.O. continues over medium shot of Laura and Remington on the couch, watching the news report. They are comfortable, snuggled together unlike we've seen them before. Laura is happy with the report while Remington is burdened.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER - V.O.
In a related ceremony in Moscow, a high ranking KGB official, Sergei Kemadov, was given a hero's burial, for what the Kremlin ambiguously described as 'assorted heroic activities on behalf of the state.'
Remington turns off the television with a remote control, silencing the V.O.
LAURA
Only Daniel could end up being buried as a national hero in both London and Moscow.
REMINGTON
It's the ultimate con. He deserves nothing less.
LAURA
(a beat) You're a good son.
REMINGTON
I only wish I could have spent more time with him.
LAURA
On the other hand, you spent twenty years with him.
REMINGTON
(thinking) I've spent my whole life hiding my true feelings from people. Even Daniel.
LAURA
He knew your feelings for him.
REMINGTON
Did he?
LAURA
Yes.
REMINGTON
Do you?
They regard one another for a moment. Laura smiles. Remington leans in and kisses her with passion. The kiss grows awhile longer. Laura breaks the moment, rising to her feet. She holds her hand out to him in invitation.
LAURA
Care to elaborate, Mr. Steele?
REMINGTON
We have the castle to ourselves, Mrs. Steele.
He rises to his feet and lifts her into his arms. He carries her out of frame.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
The door opens to reveal Remington, carrying Laura. Camera tracks with them as they cross the foyer, toward the stairs.
LAURA
Where are the servants?
REMINGTON
Out celebrating. I decided to give them the castle.
LAURA
Awfully generous of your lordship.
REMINGTON
The act of a desperate lord, I assure you.
LAURA
(kisses Remington, but suddenly stops) Where's Mildred?
REMINGTON
I decided to give her Mickeline.
LAURA
There's nothing between us and the bedroom door?
REMINGTON
Not a thing.
As he finishes his line, the phone rings. Laura and Remington sag as yet another interruption halts their long-awaited plans. Laura slides back to her feet.
LAURA
I'll get the phone. You turn down the covers.
She kisses him. Pull back to wide shot to show Remington stalking up the stairs and Laura going to the phone as it loudly rings again. She picks up the phone.
LAURA
Hello?
INT. IRISH PUB - NIGHT
Tony is on the phone.
TONY
Well, they finally released me.
INT. HALLWAY - return to Laura.
Laura is obviously not happy to hear Tony on the other end and her mind clearly isn't on the conversation, as she looks upstairs.
LAURA
I never doubted it for a moment.
TONY
I still think Steele's plan was a little risky.
LAURA
Kemadov cleared you, didn't he?
TONY
Laura, listen, what we talked about earlier still stands.
LAURA
Tony...
TONY
We make a great couple, Laura.
LAURA
(emphatically) We are not a couple, Tony.
TONY
Laura, I'm not going to give up on you.
LAURA
Don't waste your time, Tony, because there's nothing between us. There never was.
TONY
(sure of himself) You've kissed me.
LAURA
Yes, I did. To make M... (catches herself before once again letting Tony her hear call him "Mr. Steele") Remington jealous or to save your skin. But never once did I kiss you because I wanted you.
TONY
You don't mean that.
LAURA
(in the most honest and sincere way she's ever said anything) I'm married and I love my husband.
TONY
(deflated) Laura...
LAURA
(emphatically) Good bye, Tony.
Laura hangs up the phone and turns, seeing Remington on the landing, looking down at her. He's obviously heard the conversation. Laura's been caught, her feelings exposed; he's stunned by her revelation. He comes down the stairs to meet her.
We let Laura's emotions play out without words: It's obvious Laura's first reaction is to cover, but her expression softens and, with a nod and a smile, she admits she does love him.
Remington is deeply moved. He pulls her into a hug.
The phone rings again.
They pull apart slightly.
LAURA
Let it ring.
REMINGTON
I don't think so.
Remington goes to the phone and yanks the cord from the wall, silencing the noisy thing once and for all.
REMINGTON
Now, where were we? Ah, yes...
He takes her in his arms again and kisses her. They break.
LAURA
I do love you.
REMINGTON
(a long beat) What I feel for you, Laura, is so much more than what a simple word like "love" could ever express.
LAURA
I think you just exceeded my wildest expectations, Mr. Steele.
REMINGTON
Just wait.
Remington lifts Laura into his arms again and they ascend the stairs, kissing all the way up.
CROSS-FADE TO INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
The camera slowly pans across the room, starting at the fireplace as the fire turns to embers. Half-empty champagne glasses sit on the floor, next to an uncorked bottle. The shot continues to move over haphazardly discarded shoes, sweaters and pants. The trail ends with a piece of lingerie hanging off the bedside table.
The camera moves past the table to settle on an empty pillow on the bed.
Suddenly, Laura drops into the shot, landing on the pillow. Her hair is mussed and she wears a very satisfied smile.
Remington enters the shot as he slowly kisses his way up her bare body from off-camera.
They've clearly succeeded in their goal of consummation.
Their lips meet briefly and Laura puts her arms around his bare shoulders.
REMINGTON
So, it's still "Mr. Steele," is it?
LAURA
Force of habit. (a beat) What would you prefer I call you? Remington? Rem? (a beat, and an accompanying smirk) Remy?
REMINGTON
Never call me "Remy."
LAURA
Harry?
REMINGTON
I think I like best what you called me earlier.
LAURA
What's that?
REMINGTON
Your husband.
Laura pulls him down to her. They resume kissing, each one becoming more passionate. Before they advance too far, we:
FREEZE FRAME
END THE SERIES
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